I am still sick today, or at least in a state of mind that resembles it. Nothing too horrid, and yes I am at work...this being my last week, we need the money, and I can manage with how I'm feeling, though it is passing weird to feel that my arms feel like noodles. All the same, I'm actually not that discomfitted.

 I received a rather different email today via witchvox from a person in Nigeria. Said person wanted to know if I could send them a power object that would make them invisible. I can only imagine how that person would use it, but frankly I have no such artifacts to offer to anyone. Invisibility is more a matter of observation and perspective and discipline than anything that resides in a object. And if you don't know what I mean by that, read the Adding Machine by william S. Burroughs...in it is an excellent essay all about had to become invisible.

Speaking of witchvox, one of my articles is evidently on the list of most-read articles up to this point. Article on daily magical practice: http://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usor&c=words&id=11687

I'm quite flattered. Note I wrote that in deadpan, but I do appreciate the fact that my writing is being read and hopefully helping others.

And since we are on the topic of writing, check out the latest issue of Rending the Veil, which features an interview with Henry Rollins, an article by me on enlightenment, some by Lupa, Daven, and other assorted persons. http://www.rendingtheveil.com

And today I was reading the book, Influencer, which is by a number of authors. They made an excellent point about self-esteem, in the sense that self-esteem is not nearly as positive a force as people might think...I agree and I'll explain why. While on the surface it would seem that self-esteem is a wonderful, and indeed having self-confidence, can be good, we also have to look at the cultural baggage attached to the concept of self-esteem, most noticeably the focus on indvidualism and the notion that an individual must be responsible for hir own sense of worth. This is a lot of pressure to put on an individual. I wonder sometimes if one reason depression is so prevalent is simply because feel the need to be such individuals that they isolate themselves. Given that I spent most of my life depressed, I might also add that I was very much an individual to the point of being a social outcast...only in recent years did I really find a sense of self-worth and that occurred partially communal interaction, which reinforced a more positive perception of myself.

While it's true that over-reliance on other people to fulfill a sense of worth is co-dependent, there is something to be said for having an inter-connective relationship with other people, wherein a healthy amount of feedback, both critical and appreciative can be expressed. In working on my issues surrounding approval and attention, I realized I never received a healthy amount of attention or approval in my childhood...my late teenage years was when when I started to. Of late I've been learning to recognize a healthier balance between seeking attention from others and attending to my own needs. It's taken a long time, because there was no model.

In the aformentioned book, an excellent point is made, that a sense of self-worth is partially generated from genuinely choosing to care about others and to show that both in terms of critical and appreciative feedback. One way, I do that, at work, is to make sure my co-workers know how much I appreciate their efforts on my behalf and/or let them know (diplomatically) when I need more. I cannot help but notice that when I do this, I get co-workers who actually want to help me...and who feel affirmed for what they are doing. In other words, I help them build up confidence in themselves and in the relationship between us. I know when I get feedback and its useful, I also feel more confident.

When I apply this to Lupa, of late, I've been making an extra effort to acknowledge her criticisms in a rational manner and also to acknowledge her efforts. I've noticed that the tension has been slowly decreasing between us as I do this and she seems happier. I cannot help but note that I do have an impact on her self-esteem, just as she has one on me. This does not mean we are co-dependent, but it does mean that we care about each other and how we express that can and does impact how we feel about ourselves...and this true in general. It is so important to remember that none of us are just individuals.

We are connected...take a moment to acknowledge that connection, to acknowledge each other. The appreciation will go a long way toward helping each other manifest a sense of self that is not alone, and isolated.